Our Last Day :(

Yesterday was my last day that I got to spend with Bake :( which also meant that I had to say goodbye to my best friend :( I knew that it was going to be hard. But what I didn't expect was to feel all these different emotions at once. Being here without him is so weird. I hate it. I hated waking up today without a "goodmorning baby(:" I hate knowing that I won't get to hear his cute sleepy voice call me and say good night to me tonight. I hate that I cant just drive 7 minutes away and have him come out to my car for a quick kiss. but despite all that, I love that he is choosing this path. I love that he is taking one step closer to becoming the best father, husband, son, preisthood holder that he could possibly be. and i LOVE that he is mine.

Yesterday, he came over to my house around 2. We were going to go get me a build a bear but I decided that I would rather just spend my last few hours with him, laying in bed talking, cuddling, and kissing 293473029840329 times. and that's exactly what we did! I wouldn't trade those last few hours with him for anything. Well, I wouldn't trade these last 22 months with him for anything...

We took a few pictures which I look awful in by the way because I had been crying! haha and then he left me 4 voice notes on my phone so that I wouldn't forget his voice. saying good night, goodmorning,  I miss you, and I love you. I'm going to be playing those over and over and over. he made promise that I wouldn't let anybody else kiss my feet hahahah. and he just kept saying how much he was going to miss me over and over.

When it was time for him to go get set apart, I walked him upstairs to my front door. and couldn't help but start crying. even though he had made me promise that I wouldn't cry anymore. I would hug him and kiss him over and over, and then right when I would let go he would say " i'll see you in two." then that made me even more upset so i'd start crying even harder and hug him even tighter. We probably said "I love you and I'll miss you" a thousand times. he told me to have fun while he was gone and to take care of myself. because when he gets home he is going to marry me. No matter how many times I hugged him and kissed him and squeezed him, I couldn't bring myself to let go of him. He walked out the door and started walking to his car, while I stood in the doorway and watched him walk away. I wanted so bad to run after him and hug him a million more times. He got into his car, and then rolled down his window and motioned for me to come over. So I ran to his car and he opened his door and we hugged and kissed some more. (: he asked me to send him a picture of me so that he could keep it in his planner. he thanked me for everything and just told me how much he loved me :( then he really did have to go. so I slowly backed away from his car and watched him drive off. :( and that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. he kept stopping his car and blowing me kisses. and then finally rolled down his window and stuck out his hand and did the "I love you sign" and kept it out there until I couldnt see his car anymore.

Saying bye to him is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. But for some reason I feel a sense of peace. I just know that we are going to be okay. I know that this isn't the end of god's plan for us. I wouldn't want him to be anywhere else right now. And I know that when I look at the big picture, this is the best thing for us.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH BAKER. </3